Old-School Grandparenting Won’t Cut It Anymore—Here’s What Works Now!

Active and Intentional Involvement

• Being Present, Not Just Available: Showing up to a school event, cheering at a soccer game, or helping with homework can strengthen the bond between grandparents and grandchildren. Quality time often trumps quantity, meaning that even small, intentional interactions can make a lasting impact. Grandparents can also engage in everyday routines, such as reading bedtime stories over video calls or planning special “grandparent-grandchild days” to make time together memorable.
• Offering Support Without Taking Over: One of the biggest challenges for modern grandparents is striking a balance between being helpful and overstepping boundaries. Parents today may have different views on discipline, screen time, and dietary habits, and it’s crucial for grandparents to respect these choices rather than enforce their own outdated methods. Instead of contradicting the parents, grandparents can ask how they can help support these parenting styles and find ways to contribute positively.
• Engaging in Active Play and Learning: Today’s children are more involved in structured activities, from sports teams to coding classes. Grandparents can enhance their relationships by participating in these activities—whether that means attending dance recitals, helping with science projects, or even learning new hobbies together like gardening, painting, or music. Every grandparent has their own style—some take on a formal role, others prefer to be fun-seekers, and some step in as surrogate parents. Understanding your own approach can help strengthen your bond with your grandchild.

Embracing Technology and Digital Connection

• Video Calls Over Letters: While handwritten letters still hold sentimental value, FaceTime and Zoom calls allow for real-time bonding, even from miles away. Sending a quick video message or sharing funny GIFs can make communication fun and engaging. Some grandparents even start private family social media groups where they can share updates, pictures, and special moments.
• Understanding Social Media: Many grandparents resist platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok, but a basic understanding can help them stay relevant in their grandchild’s world. Commenting on posts, watching shared videos, or even learning to use emojis properly can create small but meaningful ways to engage. Some grandparents go a step further by starting their own accounts, posting funny anecdotes or family history tidbits that grandchildren can appreciate.
• Learning Together: Instead of seeing technology as a barrier, grandparents can use it as an opportunity to learn alongside their grandchildren. Playing online games together, watching educational YouTube videos, or even co-creating digital scrapbooks can turn screen time into bonding time. If a grandchild is passionate about a particular subject—like astronomy, history, or wildlife—grandparents can use online resources to dive into these topics together, making learning a shared experience.

Respecting New Parenting Styles

• Different Approaches to Discipline: Many modern parents are moving away from traditional discipline methods like spanking or strict punishment in favor of positive reinforcement and emotional validation. Grandparents must recognize these shifts and support rather than challenge them. Instead of saying, “Back in my day, we did things differently,” a more constructive approach is to ask, “How do you handle discipline, and how can I reinforce that when I’m with the kids?”
• Boundaries and Consent: Teaching children about consent and bodily autonomy is a growing priority. The once-common expectation of hugging or kissing relatives may no longer apply. Grandparents should respect a child’s comfort level and encourage consent-based interactions. A simple, “Would you like a hug, or would you rather high-five?” gives children a choice and fosters mutual respect.
• New Dietary Preferences: Today’s parents often follow specific dietary choices for their children, such as plant-based diets, gluten-free eating, or limited sugar intake. Rather than dismissing these as trends, grandparents should respect and accommodate these choices when hosting meals or snacks. In fact, grandparents can use this as an opportunity to try new recipes and involve grandchildren in cooking healthier versions of traditional dishes together.
• Sleeping Arrangements and Routines: Many parents have structured routines for their children, including designated nap times, bedtime rituals, and screen-time limits. While it might be tempting for grandparents to let children stay up late for an extra story or another episode of a favorite show, respecting these routines helps maintain consistency for the child and shows parents that their parenting choices are supported.
• Grandparenting as a Reflection of Society: Sociologists have observed that grandparenting roles evolve with cultural shifts, family structures, and societal needs, making flexibility an essential skill. The role of grandparents today isn’t just about tradition—it’s about adapting to the modern world while preserving core family values.

Providing Emotional and Practical Support

• A Safe Space for Conversations: Unlike parents, who often play the disciplinarian role, grandparents can be a non-judgmental confidant. Listening to grandchildren’s worries, validating their emotions, and offering guidance without criticism can strengthen their relationship. Teenagers, in particular, may find it easier to open up to a grandparent about school pressures, friendships, or future aspirations.
• Helping Without Overextending: Many grandparents become more involved due to family needs—whether it’s working parents, cultural expectations, or simply the joy of staying close to their grandchildren. While their help is invaluable, it’s essential to establish clear expectations and personal boundaries to prevent burnout.
• Encouraging Intergenerational Learning: Grandparents have a wealth of knowledge, from family history to traditional skills like knitting, woodworking, or gardening. Sharing these skills with grandchildren provides a deep sense of connection while preserving family heritage. At the same time, allowing grandchildren to teach new skills—like using a smartphone or coding a simple app—creates a mutual exchange of knowledge that strengthens bonds.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. What are the five styles of grandparenting?
   The five styles are formal (traditional and respectful), fun-seeker (playful and informal), surrogate parent (takes on parenting duties), reservoir of family wisdom (offers guidance), and distant (less involved but still caring).
2. What is the role of grandparents in modern life?
   Grandparents provide emotional support, childcare, wisdom, cultural traditions, and sometimes financial help, making them an essential part of today’s families.
3. What is grandparenting in sociology?
   In sociology, grandparenting refers to the roles, responsibilities, and relationships grandparents have within families and society, influenced by culture and social changes. Sociologists study grandparenting as a reflection of cultural and social evolution, showing how family roles shift over time.
4. What are the causes of grandparenting?
   Grandparents step into different roles due to family needs, cultural traditions, parents' work schedules, or unexpected life circumstances.
5. What are the four approaches to grandparenting?
   These approaches reflect how different grandparents engage with their families, from occasional visits to hands-on daily involvement. The four types are remote (little contact), companionate (friendly and fun), involved (active in daily life), and influential (guiding and supporting family decisions).