Everyone Is Healing—So Why Do We All Still Feel Like Garbage?

It’s 2025, and it seems like the whole world is suddenly obsessed with self-care. Wellness gurus, lifestyle influencers, and even your mom's best friend on Facebook are all preaching about healing—mind, body, soul, and everything in between. There's an endless parade of affirmations, lavender-scented candles, skin-care routines with 12 different serums, and even ice baths (which, let’s be honest, sounds a bit like emotional self-torture, right?).

But, and here's the kicker, why does everyone still feel like garbage?

Sure, we’ve all read the books, followed the YouTube videos, and even booked that overpriced sound bath therapy session—but have you noticed? The more we try to heal, the more it feels like we’re just patching up a punctured tire with duct tape. It's almost as if we’re being told, “You’ll feel better if you just buy this one more thing!” But then, surprise! It doesn’t work. Again.

So, what gives? Why does self-care—the booming, trillion-dollar industry—seem like it’s making us feel worse, not better?
Let’s take a step back for a second and try to understand why self-care is such a big deal now. Over the last decade, we’ve seen the wellness industry explode, becoming a cultural phenomenon. From essential oils to mindfulness practices, there’s now a product or service for every conceivable kind of “healing.” Social media is awash with influencers and wellness brands trying to tell us exactly how to “optimize” our lives.

In a sense, we’ve become part of a cult of self-care. There are rituals, products, books, podcasts, and even TikToks that tell you how to make your morning perfect, your mindset unbreakable, and your emotions totally under control. But here’s the rub—most of these techniques and tools promise a version of yourself that doesn't exist. Or, if it does, it's not sustainable.

You’re not going to suddenly wake up and be a fully healed, balanced person just by lighting a candle and drinking herbal tea. (That would be amazing, though—someone needs to get on that.) There’s no magic potion to instantly cure the emotional baggage we carry, and no amount of journaling or affirmations is going to make the stress of modern life disappear. Yet, we keep trying, feeling like we’re supposed to be fixed in a society that demands we constantly be “on.”
The self-care movement has become a double-edged sword. On one hand, we’ve got all these wonderful tools to help us take care of our bodies and minds. But on the other hand, there’s this overwhelming pressure to be “healed” and “whole.” It’s no longer enough to just be. We’re expected to actively improve every aspect of our lives. Instagram isn’t filled with people showing you their honest breakdowns and messy moments (unless it’s for clout)—instead, we see perfectly curated images of people enjoying their 5 a.m. sunrise yoga sessions, sipping turmeric lattes, and talking about the importance of daily gratitude practices.

There’s an implicit (and often explicit) message that we should be constantly evolving into the best version of ourselves. If you’re not feeling zen and “centered” at all times, then clearly, you're doing self-care wrong. But let’s be real: Life is a chaotic mess of highs, lows, and everything in between. It’s not something you can “fix” with a wellness routine. And that’s a tough pill to swallow when everyone around you seems to have it all together.
Here’s another issue: The wellness industry is built on the idea of quick fixes. From detox teas to five-minute daily meditation apps, we’re sold the dream that a small, 10-minute investment of time will result in an instant transformation. It’s a seductive thought because, hey, who doesn’t want an easy fix for their anxiety, stress, or insecurity?

But here’s the thing—quick fixes are rarely long-lasting. They’re temporary band-aids that don’t address the root causes of our issues. Meditation can help you calm your mind in the moment, but if your work is stressing you out or you’re dealing with a toxic relationship, those 10 minutes won’t magically fix everything. Instead, these quick fixes create a sense of urgency. You start to think you need to do more, buy more, and improve more—perpetuating the cycle of self-improvement that never ends.

It’s like trying to fill a leaky bucket with water, but never fixing the hole. You’ll constantly be pouring things in (whether it’s bubble baths, facemasks, or the newest fitness trend) and never feel truly full.
Now, let’s get a little deeper. Self-care is often framed as something you do—a checklist of activities you can perform to make yourself feel better. But, we need to talk about the emotional cost of all this “healing.” There's this hidden, almost insidious pressure that you should always be working on yourself. If you’re not constantly striving to be a better, healthier, more spiritual person, then are you really “doing” self-care at all?

Take mental health, for instance. Society tells us that if we have anxiety or depression, we should meditate, do yoga, go to therapy, and journal our feelings until we’re “better.” But sometimes, mental illness isn’t something you can just work through by “healing.” Sometimes, it’s a lifelong battle. And when we buy into the idea that healing is an endpoint, we set ourselves up for failure.

Because no one really talks about the fact that healing isn't linear. Some days, you’re on top of the world. Other days, you might feel like you’ve taken 10 steps backward. The constant pressure to be “better” and “healed” can make us feel worse, like we’re falling behind. Worse yet, we start comparing ourselves to others, wondering why they seem to be thriving while we’re barely keeping our heads above water.
Here’s another paradox: While self-care is supposed to help us reconnect with ourselves, the way we’re practicing it might actually be making us more disconnected.

Think about it. We’re encouraged to curate our lives, post our perfect self-care routines online, and engage in an endless quest for validation from strangers on the internet. But this creates an environment of performative wellness, where we’re more focused on presenting a perfect image of ourselves than actually engaging with the messy, real parts of life.

This pursuit of a “healed” version of ourselves often results in a disconnection from our authentic selves. We feel like we have to fit into an ideal mold that doesn’t actually reflect who we are. As a result, we become more isolated. Instead of connecting with others over shared vulnerabilities, we hide behind hashtags like #selfcare or #wellnessjourney, projecting an image of calm and serenity that doesn’t reflect our true emotions.
So, after all that ranting, here’s the big takeaway: Healing isn’t a one-time purchase. It’s not something you can solve with a trendy wellness gadget or a juice cleanse. Real healing takes time, effort, and the willingness to embrace the messiness of life. It’s not about reaching a “perfect” state of wellness, but about learning how to live with your imperfections and build resilience along the way.

True self-care isn’t about following a formula or achieving some idealized version of yourself. It’s about listening to your body and your mind, respecting your needs, and allowing yourself to just be—even on the bad days. It’s okay if you don’t have it all together. In fact, that’s the beauty of the process. We all carry scars, and those scars are what make us human.
So, the real question is—what can we do to feel better when self-care seems to be falling short? The answer might be simpler than we think: be gentle with yourself.

In a world that pushes us toward perfection and constant improvement, it's easy to forget that sometimes the best thing we can do is take a step back. Instead of focusing on constant self-improvement, allow yourself moments of rest. Let go of the pressure to heal perfectly or quickly. Life will always have its ups and downs, and that’s perfectly fine.

Perhaps the true essence of healing is not about fixing yourself, but about accepting yourself—flaws, imperfections, and all—and being okay with not having everything figured out. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the kind of self-care we need most.

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