The Dark Side of Discipline: Why Strict Parenting Fails to Teach Honesty

Although studies indicates that an extremely rigorous upbringing may have the opposite impact, many parents work hard to produce morally upright children. According to studies, kids who grow up in harsh settings are not only more prone to lie, but they also have extraordinary deception skills.


Victoria Talwar, a psychologist and specialist in child development at McGill University, investigated the connection between children's propensity for lying and rigorous parenting. The study, which was carried out in two schools in West Africa, one with a strict disciplinary system and the other with a more relaxed one, produced startling findings. The researchers then left the room, returning to ask whether the children had looked at the object.

Children were taught to identify things based solely on sound in a "peeping game" that Talwar's team created. Youngsters would be enticed to peek, though, because one object's sound did not correspond with its sight.
The results were clear:
In the relaxed school, there was a mix of truth-tellers and liars.
In the strict school, nearly all children lied—and they did so convincingly.



Fear of Punishment: Kids raised in strict homes are taught that speaking the truth could have dire repercussions. They lie to stay out of trouble rather than face severe punishment.

Better Cognitive Skills: Consistency in storytelling, memory recall, and fast reasoning are all necessary for deception. Children become more skilled at lying because they are afraid of being detected.

Lack of Safe Communication: Children may believe that honesty is not an option when parents impose regulations with a hammer and tongs. They conceal the truth out of fear rather than having an honest conversation.

Strict parenting can seem like a smart way to enforce good behaviour, but it usually backfires. According to research, kids who grow up in harsh environments may encounter:
Increased stress and anxiety levels
weakened bonds between parents and children
heightened propensities for disobedience and rebellion
Reduced confidence and self-worth
Furthermore, research has connected children's hostility, sadness, and bullying tendencies to severe discipline.


It's interesting to note that some studies claim that lying is an indication of intelligence. It takes sophisticated reasoning, working memory, and social skills to tell a well-crafted falsehood. A study that was published in Slate claims that lying is a sign of cognitive progress rather than always a sign of delinquency. This should not, however, excuse parenting approaches that foster an atmosphere in which lying turns into a survival strategy.


What is the remedy, then, if severe parenting encourages lying? Experts advise:
promoting candid discussions in which kids feel comfortable admitting their errors.
Using natural consequences rather than fear-based punishments.
Teaching the value of honesty through role-modeling and positive reinforcement.
Acknowledging children’s emotions instead of dismissing them with rigid rules.


Although strict parenting might seem like a good method to discipline kids, it can have unexpected repercussions, such as making kids skilled liars instead of fostering true honesty. Children are better able to build moral integrity based on trust rather than fear when they are raised in an environment that is open and understanding. Creating an environment where honesty is greeted with counsel rather than punishment is the key to growing honest people, not strict discipline.