Why American Parents Encourage Independence And Indian Parents Don’t

In the U.S., it’s a rite of passage to move out, get your own place, and make your own decisions as early as 18. In India, it’s common for children to live with their parents until marriage and even afterward. Both systems claim to raise strong individuals, but their methods differ drastically. Why?

American culture is built on individualism. From the nation's founding principles of freedom and self-determination, children are raised with the idea that their personal happiness, ambition, and choices come first. They are encouraged to “find themselves,” even if it means breaking from tradition. In contrast, Indian society has deep collectivist roots. Families are seen as interconnected units where each member’s role contributes to the whole. Indian parenting emphasizes obedience, harmony, and fulfilling responsibilities over personal exploration.

In America, the presence of strong welfare systems, credit availability, and a culture that tolerates career experiments gives parents the confidence to let children fall, fail, and try again. But in India, the middle class has traditionally faced limited resources. For many Indian parents, a stable job, an engineering or medical degree, and a well-settled life are the safest bets. This economic mindset translates into a parenting style that focuses on caution over exploration.

Indian parents often see their children as an extension of themselves. Emotional closeness is nurtured for years, and dependence is not seen as weakness, it is a sign of trust and duty. In fact, adult children caring for parents is considered sacred (Matru Devo Bhava). In the West, emotional boundaries are encouraged early. American parents might say, “This is your life,” to teach children responsibility. Attachment is healthy, but too much reliance is often discouraged.

American parents, despite their independence-focused parenting, often live with anxiety about drugs, school shootings, or mental health struggles. Yet they still choose to trust the child’s ability to navigate. Indian parents, on the other hand, fear failure, societal judgment, and shame. The fear of “log kya kahenge” (what will people say) governs many parenting choices from career paths to clothing, relationships to relocation.

Sanatan Dharma (and Indian traditions in general) place great emphasis on duty (dharma) to one’s family. Children are taught that serving parents is a spiritual obligation. This moral narrative shapes parenting into a life-long partnership. American spirituality, meanwhile, often prioritizes the individual soul’s journey. “Finding your path” is considered a moral and personal responsibility. Hence, parenting stops being a lifelong duty and becomes more like a launchpad.

Thanks to globalization, modern Indian youth are questioning these patterns. Many want freedom without being seen as “rebellious.” Meanwhile, some American parents are embracing co-living, therapy-based parenting, and deeper emotional connections with their adult children. The world is shifting but the core philosophies of independence vs. interdependence still persist.

American and Indian parenting styles are reflections of centuries of history, culture, and values. One says, “Be free to fall,” the other says, “Stay safe with me.” True wisdom may lie in a middle path raising individuals who can think for themselves and stay rooted in care.

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