You Think You’re Helping — But This Is Actually Pushing Your Kids Away

Parenting can feel like a never-ending maze of choices. Every decision, big or small, is wrapped up in the hope that you’re doing the best for your kids. We often tell ourselves, “I’m doing this for your own good,” believing that our actions are shaping them into strong, independent, and well-rounded adults. But what if I told you that some of the most well-meaning habits might be doing the opposite?

We all want the best for our children, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may unknowingly push them away. This article isn’t about pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad — it's about recognising some common mistakes that we, as parents, can fall into without even realising it. If we can spot them, we can adjust course and create stronger, more connected relationships with our kids.

It feels so good to protect our kids, right? We want to shield them from harm, from failure, from disappointment. We hover over them, check their homework a hundred times, and make sure they’re always safe. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, we’re doing more harm than good.

Overprotecting your child might seem like the ultimate form of love. But in reality, it can stifle their ability to develop resilience and problem-solving skills. When kids never get the chance to experience setbacks, they don’t learn how to cope with failure, frustration, or even minor struggles. These moments are necessary to build emotional strength and self-confidence.

Tip: Instead of jumping in to solve every problem, give them space to handle things on their own. Guide them when needed, but resist the urge to constantly step in. Let them make mistakes. Teach them how to pick themselves up. They’ll thank you for it later.

You know those days when you're so tired or distracted that your child can push all your buttons without facing any consequences? Or maybe one day you let them off easy for something they usually get punished for? It’s easy to slip into inconsistency, especially when emotions are running high or when we’re trying to pick our battles. But that can send the wrong message.

Inconsistent discipline can confuse your child. One moment, they’re getting grounded for something, and the next, it’s a free pass. When kids don’t know what to expect, it creates uncertainty. They’ll test boundaries more, not because they want to, but because they’re trying to understand where the lines are.

Tip: Stick to clear and consistent rules that are age-appropriate. If you say no, let that be the final answer. If they get punished for something today, they should face the same consequence next time. This consistency builds a sense of security and helps them understand the importance of accountability.

We all know the drill — a child says, “I want to be an astronaut,” or “I’m going to be a famous YouTuber,” and we smile politely. But inside, we might be thinking, Yeah, right. Let’s be real. It’s easy to dismiss a child’s dreams, especially when they seem unrealistic or out of reach. After all, we want them to be practical, don’t we?

The thing is, when we invalidate their dreams — even subtly — it can chip away at their self-esteem. Children are incredibly impressionable, and when their passions are dismissed, it sends a message that their ideas and feelings don’t matter. Worse, it can teach them that it’s not okay to dream big or pursue something unconventional.

Tip: Be their biggest cheerleader. Even if their dreams seem wild, encourage their imagination and curiosity. Help them explore their passions and provide resources, whether that means signing them up for an art class or helping them start their own YouTube channel. Showing support teaches them that their ambitions matter.

We’re all trying to juggle careers, household responsibilities, and personal life — it’s a balancing act that sometimes feels impossible. But there’s a danger when work and deadlines become more important than family time. If we’re constantly “too busy” to be present, it can create emotional distance between you and your child.

Children, especially younger ones, thrive on quality time. They need to know they matter more than your to-do list. And even though work is important, the long-term effects of emotional neglect can be far worse than missing a few meetings.

Tip: Set boundaries around your work schedule. Create tech-free zones or times where you give your undivided attention to your child. A quick 10-minute chat about their day can be more meaningful than hours of distracted time spent together. Your presence is more important than any email or meeting.

As parents, we don’t always get it right. We make mistakes — we raise our voices, we say things we don’t mean, or we react in ways we regret. But there’s one thing we often forget: We can’t expect our kids to own their mistakes if we don’t model the same behavior.

Not apologizing when you’re wrong sends the message that admitting fault is weakness. But when you show them that even adults make mistakes and that we can own up to them, it teaches accountability, humility, and respect.

Tip: When you mess up, own it. Apologize sincerely. Share how you’ll do better next time, and ask for forgiveness. This teaches your kids that mistakes are a part of life, and owning them is the best way to grow.

We all have that tendency — to treat our kids like they’re younger than they are. Sometimes it’s easier to think of them as our little ones, but as they grow, so should our expectations and the way we treat them.

When we continue to treat our tweens and teens like toddlers, it can feel patronizing and dismissive to them. They want to be heard and respected as individuals, not as someone who needs to be “protected” from every adult conversation or decision.

Tip: Treat your child according to their age and maturity. Ask for their opinion, involve them in decisions, and respect their growing autonomy. Having conversations as equals — even when they’re hard — helps nurture a sense of mutual respect.

When was the last time you just played with your child? No agenda, no teaching moment, just fun? We often get so wrapped up in managing schedules, running errands, and being the “responsible adult” that we forget to enjoy the simple pleasures of being together.

Fun isn’t just about entertainment — it’s about bonding. It’s in the shared laughter, the inside jokes, the spontaneous moments that happen when you’re not “on” as a parent, but just “with” your child.

Tip: Make room for play. Whether it’s a goofy game, a silly dance-off, or just lying in the grass watching clouds together, these moments foster connection and trust. Play with them, laugh with them — and let them see the side of you that’s not just Mom or Dad, but a person who enjoys spending time with them.

Parenting isn’t easy, and it doesn’t come with a perfect manual. We all make mistakes — but it’s how we learn from them and grow that makes a difference. Being a parent doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers, but it does mean being open to growing alongside your child.

Sometimes, it’s the small, everyday adjustments that make the biggest impact. By staying aware of how our actions affect our kids, we can build bridges instead of walls. And in the end, that’s what matters the most — a connection that lasts, no matter how old they get.

Let’s get this parenting thing right, together.

Unlock insightful tips and inspiration on personal growth, productivity, and well-being. Stay motivated and updated with the latest at My Life XP.

1. What was the worst parenting mistake?
   Not listening to or emotionally connecting with your child can deeply affect their trust and self-esteem.
2. What is the 7-7-7 rule for parenting?
   It means spending 7 minutes in the morning, 7 minutes after school, and 7 minutes before bed fully present with your child.
3. What does bad parenting do to a child?
   It can lead to low self-worth, trust issues, and trouble forming healthy relationships later in life.