Why Do Some Women Defend Patriarchy? The Hidden Truth

Why do some women become the first to question another woman's freedom? Why does a woman who chooses her own clothes, career, partner or lifestyle sometimes face harsher judgement from other women than from men? The answer may lie in a mindset that has been passed down for generations. When someone grows up believing that women must always obey, sacrifice and stay within certain boundaries, those beliefs can begin to feel normal. Eventually, they may start defending the same rules that restrict their own freedom and the choices of other women.

Imagine a dog whose leash accidentally slips from its owner's hand, but instead of running towards freedom, it picks up the leash and returns it. The image offers a powerful comparison for people who have become accustomed to control. Similarly, some women grow up accepting restrictions as part of life. They may begin to defend rules that limit women's independence because those rules have always seemed normal to them. However, this comparison describes conditioning, not women's natural behaviour.

From childhood, many girls hear instructions about how a woman should dress, speak, behave and live after marriage. They may be told that a good daughter-in-law stays quiet, a good wife adjusts and a respectable woman never questions family decisions. After hearing these messages repeatedly, some women start judging others by the same standards. Instead of asking whether a woman is happy or safe, they question whether she is behaving according to society's expectations.

When a woman chooses her career, lives independently or refuses an unwanted marriage, her decisions can challenge the beliefs of people around her. Some women may feel uncomfortable because they were never given the same choices. Others may fear that younger women will stop following the rules they were expected to obey. This discomfort can turn into criticism, with independent women labelled selfish, disrespectful or difficult. But choosing freedom does not make someone less responsible or less respectful.

Many women are taught that their worth depends on how much they sacrifice for their families. They are expected to manage the home, respect everyone, adjust in difficult situations and put their own needs last. When another woman refuses to follow these expectations, she may be criticised for not doing enough. This creates a cycle in which women measure one another through sacrifice rather than happiness, equality or personal growth. No woman should have to prove her goodness by giving up her identity.

Not every woman who criticises another woman is consciously supporting patriarchy. Sometimes, fear, insecurity, family pressure or personal experiences influence her reactions. A woman who was denied choices may believe that everyone else should make the same sacrifices. But repeating an unfair experience does not make it right. Supporting another woman does not mean agreeing with every decision she makes. It means respecting her right to make those decisions without humiliation, threats or discrimination.

Breaking this cycle begins with small but meaningful actions. Stop judging women for their clothes, careers, relationships or personal decisions. Question family rules that give men more freedom than women. Encourage daughters to express their opinions and sons to share household responsibilities. If someone makes a sexist remark, speak up instead of silently accepting it. Most importantly, learn to distinguish between genuine concern and control disguised as tradition. Respect should never require someone to surrender their independence.

The next time you see a woman making a choice that is different from yours, pause before judging her. You do not have to live her life or agree with every decision, but you can respect her right to choose. Do not become the person who discourages another woman from studying, working, speaking up or leaving an unhealthy situation. Be the woman who offers support instead of criticism. As the original message reminds us, do not become a sheep following every rule. Find the courage to stand up for yourself and others.

Patriarchy becomes stronger when unfair rules are treated as normal and passed from one generation to another without question. A woman who has experienced restrictions does not have to impose them on someone else. She can choose a different path.

So, to every woman who has been told to stay quiet, adjust endlessly or seek permission for every decision: your voice matters. And to every woman who judges another woman's freedom, remember that equality does not take anything away from you. Be the woman who breaks the chain, not the one who passes it on.

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