Indian Home: Why Sons Are Still Treasured and Daughters Just Married Off

Beta bada ho kar paisa kamayega, is indeed a sentence heard in houses all over India. On the surface, there is an element of hope in it. But, deep down, the age-old mindset is reaffirmed: sons are still seen as a future breadwinner, while daughters are temporary guests and future expenses. Despite much awareness being created about the issue and changing gender regimes, Indian society still holds sons to the zenith of pride and purpose, whereas daughters eventually get silently limited. Why does this imbalance still happen and continue to happen in our homes? And what would it take to put an end to it?

Culturally, sons were to carry forward the family name and look after ageing parents, and perform the last rites. Daughters, on the other hand, have traditionally been given away in marriage with dowry, thus making them financial liabilities. Though dowry is outlawed, the practice persists in one form or the other, be it gifts, jewelry, or social demands. Such backward thinking results in the many families viewing daughters as expenses while sons are seen as investments that would yield long-term security.

Conventional wisdom has it-that parents love their children equally. But the very decisions made every day, big and small, reveal bias. Sons are encouraged to be out there, to question, to risk. Daughters are told to obey, to adjust, and to preserve family honor. For a son, an illegal late night outing is independence. For a daughter, it can threaten her reputation. Through such conditioning, girls are quietly taught to shrink, and to shine are boys. The expectations set for life are, thus, two very different ones.

Academically performing well is an expectation for girls in India. However, families are still more willing to spend on a boy's education. His getting a degree is often a prioritized, even if it means taking a loan. For a girl, the scenario is quite different. The family asks, “Why spend so much if she is going to get married?”, and then proceeds to withdraw the funds. The same pattern is observable in inheritance. Daughters are legally entitled to inherit property, but has to socially and/or familial pressure to either forfeit or never use her birthright. There is still a huge gap between the inequalities existing in practice versus on paper.

In certain cultures, the upbringing of a daughter involves securing a suitable husband as a marriage partner “good match.” “Her value is not defined by her dreams or career, but by her ability to migrate upwards to marry into a family that is deemed respectable.” She is seen to “earn value” based on what the family is willing to “spend on her wedding,” further commodifying her existence. Conversely, sons “are seen to accrue value,” being able to earn, buy a house, and support the family in their retirement. This view of children reduces the true essence of family, love, and equality into mere transactions.

The transformation we wish to see in the world starts from the way we bring up our children. Parents need to deeply analyze their decisions. Have we stopped valuing children based on their gender?

• Are we giving due recognition to our daughter’s education and aspirations?
• Do we expect our sons to provide equal help and support?
• Are we fairly sharing our assets and obligations?
• Are we instilling in both children empathy, self-reliance, and accountability?
• Change is never done by just saying things, we must actually practice it in our homes and communities.

Unlock insightful tips and inspiration on personal growth, productivity, and well-being. Stay motivated and updated with the latest at My Life XP